Psychology – Act Social Club

Posted on August 28, 2020October 2, 2020 by actor — Leave a comment

How to Access your Inner Royalty

As you may remember from my prior film, Living Luminaries, I was 23 when I had the idea to make a movie about enlightenment and I contacted many authors, including Eckhart Tolle, to ask if they would be in my project. Most of them either ignored me or said no. I was nobody famous or important, so it was very easy for them to reject me. But I was persistent with Eckhart Tolle’s company (because he was my hero at the time) and I felt inspired while explaining the project over the phone to one of his company’s leaders. Shortly thereafter, the leader called back to say that Eckhart had told me, “Yes.” Soon many more authors wanted to be in the film and investors wanted to invest in the project.

We humans have subconscious drives to associate with leaders and successful people–our DNA has programmed us to be that way. In our tribal past, we needed to be “in” with the leaders of the group in order to eat and survive. This led to a hierarchical structure to the tribe, with those at the top getting the best of everything and those at the bottom getting the scraps.

Nowadays, marketers expertly exploit those subconscious drives in us through advertising and propaganda. Celebrity endorsements of political movements or candidates drive us to want to associate ourselves with a particular group. Our survival DNA is triggered by the dangling of a supposedly more secure future by associating with a chosen ideology. But if we keep being led in this way, we’ll continue to only get the scraps. That group is not likely to hand you the reins to your own destiny, they’re designed to make you their devoted follower and toss you just enough food to survive.

That’s what happened to me in the process of making Living Luminaries. Investors, producers, and managers all wanted a cut or a piece of the project and to wrestle the control from each other to get a bigger share for themselves. In my naivety, I gave a lot of my own power away in order to appease people and stay in the good graces of the group. I went from being the king of my own destiny to a beggar rather quickly. I wanted to fit in more than I wanted my own personal, unique power and voice.

Where have you given up your own unique voice to fit in or to avoid ostracism?

Our drive to “social climb” is real, but we can combat it through awareness. I want to encourage you to become conscious of that drive in yourself. There is wisdom in you. If I had listened to all the rejections when I was creating Living Luminaries, I would have given up long before the project ever got off the ground. The world is going to tell you many times a day in subtle and not so subtle ways that you are unsafe, that you need them to take care of you or to enhance your image or standing. But there is a power in you that has “overcome the world.”

After I lost the standing in my own project, Living Luminaries, powerful forces went to work to help me regain control, and to this day I stand master of my own creative destiny once again. It was a long, painful process but that journey solidified the lesson that I have my own voice, and my unique point of view is valid and important in this world. I was gifted with the opportunity to make a new film, Act Social, on my own terms and with my own voice.

I want to tell you that the power of the mystery of being which causes all things to exist–is already fully associated with you and has your back. So stand up to your desire to kiss the ring and bow to worldly power in order to advance your standing. Instead, do what I did at age 23 and INVITE the Empress to sit at YOUR table, instead of begging to sit at the kiddie table next to hers. You have a royalty inside of you that is your innate worth and value and no political affiliation or Mercedes-Benz can add or take away from it.

Access your inner royalty today in a million different ways: be grateful, be helpful, be loving, be kind, meditate, pray, be healthy, be courageous. You have so many opportunities to be the benefactor and not the beggar.

Namaste,

Sean A. Mulvihill

Posted on June 10, 2020June 12, 2020 by actor — Leave a comment

When to Use Dirty Tactics in an Argument

Old Joke: “There are two kinds of people in this world, those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don’t.” (1)

Declaring, “You’re either with us or you’re against us,” sounds like a polarizing rallying cry to some, but to anyone who has ever debated philosophy, it sounds like an over-simplification at best and outright lying at worst. This fallacy is known as a false dichotomy (2).

Imagine you were a FIFA soccer fan and I said to you, “If you’re not a fan of Team Brazil, you’re not a real soccer fan.” If you liked any of the other dozens of teams competing, you would find my statement biased and ridiculous.

When there are 3 or more “logically valid opinions” about a topic, and you propose an “either/or” choice, such as the one above, you’ve proposed a false dichotomy. Your argument is false because you propose that there are only 2 choices, but in this case, there are 3 or more opinions that are plausible. For example to say, “All Americans are either Republicans or Democrats,” discounts the numerous other political parties in the country and would be a false dichotomy.

Conflict resolution practitioners know that parties in a conflict often use false dichotomies in order to drive a hard-bargaining position, gain power, and appear tough to their constituents (see books: Getting to Yes and Crucial Conversations). Sometimes the tactic is successful in gaining desired support and sometimes it backfires, e.g. Senator Joseph McCarthy and the Red Scare of the early 1950s.

McCarthy claimed that 205 Communist spies were working in the U.S. State Department, then called in various elite Americans before a Senate panel and asked them to name names of Communists. When an Army general refused to cooperate, McCarthy said, “Any man who has been given the honor of being promoted to general and who says, ‘I will protect another general who protects Communists,’ is not fit to wear that uniform, General.” That’s a false dichotomy. There are a number of plausible situations where a person could be both a general worthy of the uniform and friends with Communists. The publication of that exchange helped the American public to eventually see through McCarthy’s fallacious campaign.

Despite not finding a single Communist spy, McCarthy had enough partisan support among Republicans that he was successful in pushing his agenda for several years, but as early as 4 months after his initial anti-Communist speech, people like GOP Senator Margaret Chase Smith made cracks at him. Smith said,“Those of us who shout the loudest about Americanism in making character assassinations are all too frequently those who, by our own words and acts, ignore some of the basic principles of Americanism.” She was inferring that important third opinion: that one can be both a loyal American and a Communist. The public gradually tired of his tactics, and McCarthy was censured by the Senate after 4 years of abuse of power.

False dichotomies are an unfair tactic because they are not truthful or provable. In addition, they needlessly alienate people who might otherwise cooperate. This alienation occurs when groups of people don’t completely share the black-or-white opinions of two conflicting groups. This is obvious in US Presidential elections when we see the vote hinging on crucial swing states which are not firmly held by either major political party.

So to bring things back to today, if you are fighting for a cause, you may want to examine the arguments you are using to see if you’re saying the equivalent of “Either you’re with us, or you’re against us.” When we are pushing for a change that we believe in, and we know we need as much help as possible from as many people as possible, it doesn’t make logical sense to push forward false dichotomies because you lose the support of adjacent “swing voters” who aren’t naturally aligned with your way of thinking. However, if you feel that your group can force the issue and win the contest of ideas without the help of “swing voters,” perhaps this doesn’t apply.

As agents for change, maybe we need to ask ourselves at the beginning of a campaign, “How much help do I need to accomplish my goal? Can I get it done by only appealing to people who agree with me 100% or do I need the help of people outside of my own ideological group? If I do need outside help, what is the best way to entice those people to help?”

by Constance Franklin

Sources:

Posted on May 27, 2020 by actor — 1 Comment

Cars, Bathrooms and Closets: Psychotherapy during Quarantine

by Kristin R. Krueger, Psychologist, Single-Mom

When we got our stay-at-home orders and the weight of it all sank in, I immediately went into action mode. After all, I’m well schooled in responding to crisis and all that might go with a pandemic lock down. First, I worked for years in our county hospital, putting in a number of ER shifts in a mental health capacity. Seconds, I was raised by a father who spent his early years in post-WWII Europe and then lived a tenement-like existence in Chicago from 7-years-old through high school. My mother was raised on a farm. Long-story short, I know all about do-it-yourself, grow-it-yourself, reduce, reuse, reuse, reuse and recycle. I’ve spent much of my adult life trying to not feel the weight of these lessons of my upbringing, but those skills are ingrained. Third, I spent much of my 20’s living abroad teaching English, and thereby, picking up survival tricks here and there. Finally, I’m an improviser, so I was ready, “Flexibility!” “Surrender to the ensemble!” I thought, we would all have to change. I want to be part of this solution. Where do we start? I was built for this time – in which we have to use resources well, live with uncertainty, and work together.

The mental health implications for medical front line workers were obvious early on and I wanted to and felt I should be a part of this. I became obsessed with this idea. So, I reached out to the coordinators for the physicians wellness program for which I work, and asked how I could help. I signed up for the volunteer page for our state health department. I even looked up the licensing process for New York State, which at the time was hardest hit. “I have the skills! I’m ready to help!”

When I woke up from my ego-driven heroism fantasy, I settled into my reality. I have a 4-year-old and was already struggling to watch her while working and attending to calls/conferences. In between meetings, we baked, planted herbs, went biking and rode on the scooter. We cooked 500 meals a day and washed 6,000 dishes. She started virtual pre-K programing and I attended to internet and tech problems. At times frustrations were high and my patience wore thin. On one important phone call, I attempted three times to distract my daughter. Embarrassed that I would have to ask the others to hold on a 4^th time, I silently grabbed a cupcake and pushed it towards her. It worked.

And at the end of the day, my 80-year-old parents were my only viable option for childcare. My other sitters had high-risk situations. I hesitated due to not fully knowing the risks of us all being together early on. Ultimately, we all quarantined together and have been healthy. I initially used them sparingly – mainly to cover my time in telehealth psychotherapy sessions two days per week. I was grateful to be able to work in some capacity. To accept my reality, it helped to remind myself often what we learn as improvisers: Your role is sometimes to not join a scene. Not every scene needs you to walk on stage. Having the success of the ensemble in mind helps you make the best decision for that scene.

I focused on treating my patients via telehealth. Telehealth is awkward at first, but everyone learns to accommodate. Because most patients live with others, they often seek out privacy in places, such as their cars, closets and bathrooms. In one case the situation provided an opportunity for a visual so strong, that I was grateful for the closet setting. This patient, with a history of OCD, was able to show me each of the 7 T-shirts – nicely folded and with a distinctive logo – that they had recently chosen to wear and then rejected because of an association with an obsessive thought. ‘If I wear this one, my partner will get sick. If I wear this one, something will happen to my friend., etc’

Some patients began the lock down with an increased sense of solidarity or enhanced motivation to address their anxieties. The pandemic pushed them to dig deeper or it somehow put things into perspective for them – both resulting in better emotional management. As the pandemic and lockdown have gone on, they express being weary – having good days and bad days – and increased anxiety. In the most devastating situation thus far, I learned the following from a patient I see every two weeks. In that 2-week interim, the spouse had gotten sick, received a COVID diagnosis, and died in the home. My grief for this patient is tempered only by the beauty in the community’s response. Since family members in the home have also tested positive for COVID, extended family and friends have gathered every evening to pray outside the home, which family members can watch from their window.

So, what do we do with the pain, grief, weariness and uncertainty? We do well to find the little joys in the changes. The joys and benefits are there – if we are open to see them. Sometimes we need to stop and create some joys – even when finding them is contrary to our productivity based mentality. Embrace your creativity and know that doing so often comes with a limitation of our own or others judgment. And as always, we do well to focus on the things that matter and allow the voices of criticism or dismissal – from yourself or others – to let go.

As with any catastrophic change in a person’s life, acceptance of the situation and assimilation of it will help us act. Acting gives us a sense of purpose and will likely move us forward in a positive direction. We cannot and do not have to plan and predict to the extent we did in the past. We can trade in a part of our competitiveness in exchange for enlarging our circle of compassion.

I continue to be fascinated with this colossal world reset. I’m curious and hopeful that a similar evolution in our ability to be inclusive of others will occur. I believe the scientists will figure out a vaccine and human ingenuity will propel us towards a healthy economy. I hope our city planners will help us learn how to thrive with a new social spacing structure. And mainly, I look forward to an increased understanding of the importance of mental health.

When I picked up my daughter yesterday, I heard about the adventures of three mermaids that had to swim through the sea to find a treasure. And these mermaids survived, found the treasure and then ate sweet rolls, ice cream, candy, donuts…

Note: If a situation becomes overwhelming, then seek professional help! Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room if you have thoughts of hurting yourself or others.